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70+ Valentine’s Day Jokes & Riddles for Kids and Adults (Free Printable List)
Fill hearts with love and laughter thanks to these family-friendly Valentine’s Day jokes.
Animal Valentine’s Day Jokes
What did the octopus say to his valentine?
- I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, and hand.
What do you call two birds in love?
- Tweethearts!
What did the elephant say to his Valentine?
- I love you tons!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
- Yes, they’re very scent-imental!
What did the owl say to his Valentine?
- Owl be yours!
What did the sheep say to the other sheep?
- I love ewe!
What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
- Forget-me-nuts.
What did the bat say to the other bat?
- You’re fun to hang around with!
Food Valentine’s Day Jokes
Why are artichokes the most loving vegetable?
- Because they’ve got hearts.
What’s the best meal to serve on Valentine’s Day?
- A hearty one.
What did the hamburger buy his sweetheart?
- An onion ring.
When should you ask someone out on a coffee date?
- When you like them a latte.
Where do hamburgers take their dates on Valentine’s Day?
- The meat ball.
How do chefs show their love on Valentine’s Day?
- They whisk you off your feet!
What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
- A hug and a quiche.
What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls?
- HER-SHE’s Kisses.
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What Did the ____ Say to Its Valentine?
What did the calculator say to its Valentine?
- You can count on me.
What did the cat say to its Valentine?
- You’re purr-fect for me.
What did the bird say to its Valentine?
- Let me call you tweet-heart!
What did the pickle say to its Valentine?
- You mean a great dill to me.
What did the puzzle say to its Valentine?
- You complete me.
What did the drum say to its Valentine?
- My heart beats for you.
What did the rabbit say to its Valentine?
- Somebunny loves you!
What did the squirrel say to its Valentine?
- I’m nuts about you.
What did the bat say to its Valentine?
- You’re fun to hang around with.
What did the bee say to its Valentine?
- You are bee-autiful!
What did the ghost say to it valentine?
- You look so BOOtiful.
What did the snake say to its Valentine?
- Give me a hug and a hiss, honey.
What did the rabbit say to its Valentine?
- Somebunny loves you.
What did the squirrel say to its Valentine?
- I’m nuts about you.
What did the owl say to its Valentine?
- Owl be yours!
What did the frog say to its Valentine?
- You are toad-ally awesome!
What did the fish say to its Valentine?
- You’re the fin-est.
What did the duck say to its Valentine?
- I’m quackers about you.
What did the chicken say its Valentine?
- You’re egg-cellent.
What did the turkey say to its Valentine?
- You’re the stuffing to my turkey.
What did the dog say to its Valentine?
- You’re paws-itively the best.
What did the lightbulb say to its Valentine?
- I love you a whole watt!
What did the gardener say to their Valentine?
- I dig you.
What did the deer say to its Valentine?
- I love you deerly.
What did the cow say to its Valentine?
- I’m udderly in love with you.
What did the pig say to its Valentine?
- Don’t go bacon my heart.
What did the horse say to its Valentine?
- I love you neigh-ver ending.
What did the bear say to its Valentine?
- I love you beary much.
Valentine’s Day Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut ever let me go.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a big kiss?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew, who?
Honeydew you know how much I love you?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Don.
Don who?
Don go breaking my heart.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pauline.
Pauline, who?
I think I’m Pauline in love with you.
More Valentine’s Day Jokes
What did the light bulb say to his valentine?
- I wuv you watts and watts!
Which one of Santa’s reindeer can be seen on Valentine’s Day?
- Cupid.
Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?
- His heart wasn’t in it.
What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?
- His ghoul-friend.
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
- I’m stuck on you!
What fastens two people yet touches only one?
- A wedding ring.
What did the man with the broken leg tell his valentine?
- I have a crutch on you.
Why were the scientists a perfect match?
- Cause they had great chemistry!
What did one volcano say to the other?
- I lava you.
Why did the boy stand on a ladder during Valentine’s Day?
- Because he heard love was in the air!
What did one boat say to the other boat?
- Are you interested in a little row-mance?
Why is it good to date soccer players?
- Because they’re keepers.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
- Yes, February 14!
Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?
- A calendar.
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
- Ughs and kisses!
How do you keep a jewelry store safe on Valentine’s Day?
- You locket.
What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
- Hogs and kisses.
What did the painter tell his girlfriend?
- I love you with all my art.
Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
- Because he wanted sweet dreams.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
- I find you very attractive.
How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend?
- He gave her a ring.
What did the train say to his Valentine?
- I choo-choo-choose you!
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